How I know Satan is real and that he hates everyone of us
There is evil in the world. It’s all around us. You can’t escape it. You can see it everywhere and in everything. I’ve started a list that proves conclusively that Satan is real and that he hates everyone of us. Only a mastermind of the most evil nature could orchestrate the events I will describe. Brace yourself, this list may disturb you and is not appropriate for young children, those with weak hearts, and those who are evil.
I know that Satan is real and hates us because:
1. The Sham-wow guy is making tons of money
2. The only time I can go to Walmart is on a Saturday
3. Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, & 3 really happened
3. Two and a half men is still on the air but Arrested Development was cancelled
4. I’m considered a geek for actually liking the new Battlestar Gallactica and was sad when it ended
5. Broccoli is a super food but Velveeta is bad for me
6. Spiderman 3
7. The Jonas Brothers
8. I can only lose weight exercising and not sitting on the couch watching TV
9. It’s kind of creepy for me to admit that I’m still a Toy’s R Us kid
10. I can’t just sit down at a piano and automatically start playing it
11. The months after Superbowl and before pre-season are filled with NASCAR – ugh
12. The Beltway
13. Britney Spears
14. Kate Gosselin is allowed near children
15. My two year old can sneeze her Jello everywhere and it’s cute…I do it and am yelled at
16. I’m old enough that all of my childhood toys are being remade into big budget movies that stink
17. My idea for the Pocket Fisherman was actually invented 30 years before I thought it up
18. I have to wait a stinkin’ year in between LOST seasons
19. Windows Vista
20. I am most in the mood for love at the same time my wife is sick in bed with the flu – cruel, so cruel
This is my list and I stand by it. Are you brave enough to add to it? Shine the light, expose the darkness, join the fight!
I agree with all of those! (especially Spiderman 3 that was such an incredible disappointment)